2020 has definitely been a weird and long year. The events of the world has changed our lives forever.
I went into 2020 being confident that this year was going to be MY year. My year actually started out with an unusual amount of panic attacks. Honestly, I understood why I was because I was undergoing a lot of stress with my personal life and the fact that I was graduating in a few months with no idea what I wanted to do with my life.
After I graduated, my mental health went further downhill. The only things I did with my days is go to work, go to the gym, and watch Netflix – not necessarily in that order. You would have thought that going to the gym would have improved my mood, but the gym high did not last. I had been coming home and watching Netflix for hours until I went to bed.
Even though I was struggling for six months of the year, I finally came out of my slump a week ago. Depression is weird. I can go into a depressive episode for no reason, and I can also suddenly come out of one. I told myself that I needed to be more productive, and I finally did something about it.
I’ve started doing a checklist again. I feel so accomplished when I mark something off of my checklist. This past week I have been trying to get at least half of my checklist done before I turn on Netflix. This will typically put my at starting Netflix sometime after five o’clock. Below is an example of what my typical list consists of.
I’m hoping this motivation stays for at least a little bit. I’m going a week strong.
I am extremely proud of myself. I have been consistent with working out these past few months. I have been working out at least three days a week – usually more.
What usually happens is I will go to the gym for about a month, but then I lose motivation to keep going. It’s crazy what kind of excuses I could come up with. This would especially happen if I didn’t have someone to go with me to keep me held accountable.
I am proud to say that this is not the case now. These past few months I have been going to the gym regularly. More often than not, I have even been going to the gym alone. I actually love going to the gym by myself now. I feel more focused. (Still love it when you go though, Tawnie).
This time around, I have focused on doing more strength workouts than anything else. I have noticed I have gained some muscle in the past few months.
My routine at the gym is 10-20 minutes of the elliptical to warm up then I do arms, legs, abs, and shoulders. I try to do some of each, although I typically try to focus more on one each day. I do less legs than the other ones because I have knee problems so those have to be done a little at a time. There are also days I sometimes just focus on cardio.
Above is a comparison photo from February 3rd to July 15th of this year. I am happy to notice that there is a physical chance in the photos. As you can see my arms and stomach are a little more defined. I have also noticed a difference in my back and butt too.
One thing I have been struggling with is food intake. I know I am not getting enough or the right macros, but I am trying to change that. Starting today I am going to be tracking my macro intake via the app “Mike’s Macros,” which was recommended by bodybyryanfitness on Instagram.
I am going to try to plan my meals more accordingly in order to get enough protein and other things that I need. I am still trying to figure everything out.
I will try to come back with an update in a few weeks. Remember, consistency is key.
Do you have any advice for me on my food intake, or even advice for muscle gain?
The main thing I struggle with is motivation. My mind is really good at convincing me to not do something even though I know I would regret not doing it later. This happens frequently with schoolwork, getting up early, going out, working out, and meditating. I know these things will make me feel better in the long run, but I still find it hard to get myself to do it.
I did have a good week of self-care. I was pretty consistent with my morning/night routine, being productive, meditating, and even exercising.
This week is my spring break, and I am excited to enjoy my time out of school. I won’t be lazy though! I am mostly going to be working this week so I’ll have a little extra money next paycheck. I do have a ‘Spring Break 2020 Bucket List’ that I will be posting about soon. I am still going to be productive even though I am on a break.
I know that sometimes doing nothing is a form of self-care too. The only thing is that when I do nothing, even for a day, it starts to take a negative toll on my mental health. I need fresh air and positive people at least once in a 12 hour period.
These next couple of months are going to be rough. I am graduating in exactly two months. I am so scared. I am not going to get everything done. I also don’t know what I am going to do after graduation, but I am not as worried about that.
My mental health has not been good, but I am finally doing something about it. I have come to realize this past week that I do not take care of myself enough. My motivation has been almost nonexistent. I knew what things would help my mental health, but I did not have the willpower to do them.
I have decided that to try and motivate myself this week by vlogging my week of self-care. Self-care comes in many different forms. I picked out a few for this week, and I plan on doing several each day. I am making a YouTube video out of it because I am hoping it will keep me continuing to do some of the same self-care every day. Plus, I haven’t posted a YouTube video in a while.
My plan for this week is to do my morning/night routine, exercise, meditate, mindfully drink coffee, drink more water, take a walk outside, jam to music, and be productive so I won’t be stressed out later.
Today I have done quite a bit of my self-care. I got up early this morning and went to the gym. I meditated afterward. I have drank more water, but not as much as I wanted to. I will get better about it tomorrow. I mindfully drank coffee. It was nice. I was even extremely productive today! I got some schoolwork done, and I got A LOT of my internship work done. Today was actually a down day for me, but I still pushed myself to be better.
The way I feel is not going to change overnight, but I am super excited to see how this week goes. I will, of course, continue doing more self-care in the future, but making a video is certainly a much needed push.
Another week, another mental health Monday. You may have noticed that it is in fact, not Monday, but I was so busy (and tired) on Monday and Tuesday that I forgot all about writing a post.
This past week has been rough. My anxiety has been at an all time high. I’ve had multiple panic attacks (I’m mostly ok now though). This past week was definitely a down week for me. As I said in my last post, I did go to my counselor last Thursday. We concluded that all this happened because of my thoughts, and that is something I can work on.
Essentially, I worry too much.
She did give a few suggestions on how I can help this issue. First of all, we noticed that even when I say something positive I follow up with something negative. For example, I told her a plan how I was going to get everything done that day that I needed to, but I followed up with “well, probably. We’ll see how it goes.” I’m working on just doing what I planned to do. I have a bad habit of losing motivation.
My goal is practice not thinking so much . Overthinking, I mean. My anxiety has been so high because I overthink every little thing. The dialogue in my head is never quiet.
One thing I have not been doing even though my counselor said I should is to not drink coffee or tea. She said other things too, but coffee and tea is the only thing I drink out of what she listed. I have not stopped drinking either one of those. I know they don’t help my anxiety, but I drink one of those every single day.
I’m still trying to exercise and meditate every day because I know it would help, but it’s hard to find the motivation to do either of those.
Does anyone have self-motivation tips? Please tell me.
Also, don’t get me wrong. I do get everything done, but I want to get everything done before the last minute. I hold off doing everything, and I am thinking about it the entire time. You may think that if I worry about it all the time then I could just do it then, but it doesn’t always work that way. I can’t concentrate long enough to get most things done unless I am in a time crunch.
I have been super busy this past week, and I feel like this week is going to be even busier. I’m not going to lie – because of how busy and stressed I have been, I’ve had a breakdown or two. I am in my last semester of school, and it is so stressful making sure that I have everything I need to graduate.
On a positive note, I have been sticking with working out! I have worked out 5/7 days this past week. I am super proud of myself, and I hope to keep working out as I know that it makes me feel better about myself. There was a few times that I got up early and went to the gym or just worked out in my room. When I go to the gym, I try to have a list of workouts that I want to do so I won’t get there and be scratching my head on what I want to do next. In my dorm room, I have multiple different websites that I use to do workout videos. There’s beachbody (not free), blogilates (free), YouTube (free), and FitOn (free).
The reason I’m talking about working out so much is because it has helped me so much. As I think I said in my last Mental Health Monday post, I have noticed that exercise and meditation have helped me become happier.
Doing those things aren’t the only thing I have been doing. Since last semester, I have been going to counseling at my health center on campus (so it’s free). I feel like I have made progress. My counselor helps me realize that the thoughts I have are “irrational” – my words, not hers. I actually have a session this Thursday so I will let you know how that goes! My main problem is that I have a negative way of thinking. While I have come a LONG way, I still have a long way to go.
Here are some things I want to work on this week:
1. be more social/get out of my comfort zone
2. work out regularly
3. use less negative language toward myself
4. be more mindful
5. eat healthier
Do you have any goals for this week? How are you going to practice self-care?
On Instagram, I follow the hashtag “#Mentalhealthmatters” because I love reading motivational quotes and people’s stories. I was scrolling through my Instagram earlier when I see a guy that had ‘Mental Health Monday #2’ as the start of his caption. (His insta is nickfituk). This post struck me differently than the others. Every Monday he is going to post a blog about mental health, and that is what I decided I wanted to do too. (You should join in on Mental Health Monday also!)
Mental health is a part of everyone. Sometimes it can be good mental health, but then sometimes it can be bad. I’ve dealt with a lot of bad mental health in my life. I don’t always know why it is there. It just shows up in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, I think I am slowly getting out of an episode. I have been more productive and slightly happier these last few weeks. I think I mostly needed a break from school. I was severely isolating myself.
For 2020, my main goal is to take care of myself better. Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself because I know things that would make me feel better, but I talk myself out of doing them anyway.
Two of the main things that improves my mood is exercise and meditation. Exercising has been a bit more difficult here lately because every time I run, I feel like passing out. I’ve been dealing with a sinus problem since November (and yes, I’ve been to the doctor). There are other workouts that I can still do, I am just still trying to force myself into a routine. I want to start getting up early and working out/meditating.
I am hoping writing this post motivates me to do better. I will update you on if it did or not next Monday!
I just want to start by saying that this post could be a TRIGGER to some people. I talk about mental health issues that I’ve had/have.
I’ve had severe problems with my mental health since I was a freshman in high school. For me, high school was the absolute worst. I hated myself. I didn’t want to live. I’m honestly surprised (but also very glad) that I survived. I’m not going to get into major details, but freshman and sophomore year was rough. I went to the school counselor often although I don’t feel as though it always helped. I’ve always had a hard time telling people how I felt and why – especially back then. I would end up telling the counselor that I had some boy drama. Boys certainly did not help the way I felt about myself, but they were not the main reason I felt that way.
My junior and senior year of high school was definitely better, but it was not great. I still struggled a lot, but the friends I had made it more bearable. To those I was close to during those two years, I just want to say thank you. You helped me through so much, and you probably didn’t even know it. I appreciate you. I love you.
Even throughout college, I’ve struggled with loving/accepting/appreciating/caring about myself. I’ve never been diagnosed, but I am pretty sure I’ve been living with depression and anxiety all these years. Some days are definitely better than others.
A message I sent to a friend of my mine today has been stuck in my mind since I’ve been writing this post. It’s a great thing to remember:
“It’s just life. We live. We mess up. We learn. We try again.”
Yesterday started out as “meh.” I don’t know how else to describe it. When I’m in that kind of mood I’m just… there. I only do things because I’ve learned to force myself to. I’ve never felt better by just laying in bed all day. And boy do I feel tired of feeling like that.
However, I did sleep in yesterday. Even though I woke up feeling “meh,” I still went to my grandpa’s house. I ate food, and then played video games with my cousin for hours – which did not help my mental state. I felt even more “meh.”
But it got better.
I became more productive. I went home. I took a shower. (Showers usually help a great deal.) I made several tik toks (@ kelliyoung42). I wrote in my journal. I even watched a really good movie called The Backup Plan.
Today was even better. I woke up early to go eat breakfast with my grandpa and my cousin. My pa makes THE BEST chocolate gravy. I went home a couple hours later. I actually started my laundry (and finished it). I went to help my dog get unstuck from which his chain latched onto a tree root. Don’t worry, a couple hours later that tree root was cut out so he can’t get caught anymore. I even ended up cleaning my room up quite a bit. This was all before it was even 1:30 p.m. It was then that I went to work until 10.
I’m very proud of my productive day. Being productive makes me feel accomplished, and like I’m doing something right. I’m hoping I will have this motivation for a little bit longer. Wish me luck.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I am pretty sure that I will always have mental health issues. I know I should be diagnosed, but I’m scared. I’ve been told multiple times in my life that it was just a phase, and that I would snap out of it. I’m not snapping out of it. I’ve learned how to deal with it better, but you can’t just snap your fingers or turn a certain age for it to go away.
But I am proud of how far I am come. How much I have grown as a person.
I am way better than I was, but I also know I’m not as good as I am going to be. That thought makes me happy. This period of my life is not going to be the best time of my life.
Better times are coming. You just have to keep living to get there.
Hello! My name is Kelli Young, and I am a personal blogger. I like to post a wide variety of things on my blog. It could be from my travels, favorite recipes, my bucket list, YouTube channel, something Harry Potter related, and much more!